Finding Myself
by dorkiss
Summary: Sora relizes who she's become because of dating Matt, and she doesnt like it. Now she feel empty and doesn't know why. Can she find herself, and whos help does she need? Taiora.


This is my very first story! It's a Taiora, the best couple out there. I do not own them or any other characters mentioned from digimon in this fic, if I did, Matt's head would have been chainsawed off! LOL! No, I like matt and everything, but being a die-hard Taiora fan, I gotta have dreams! I'm sure you feel the same way too! Right!? Whatever, please continue, and don't forget.R&R!! ~dorkiss  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Finding Myself  
  
  
  
Tai sat on the windowsill in the darkened bedroom. He stared out through the pane overlooking the city's dismal day with an empty face. The summers' long awaited rain had finally come bringing loneliness and despair to the people around him. Tai had become accustomed to these feelings though. He had known these feelings for longer than any teen should. It had only been several months since the day Tai's life came to a crushing halt, but it felt like an eternity to him. He blamed himself for everything, all the pain and heartache, everything that seemed to be reflected on this day.  
  
Every time Tai closed his eyes he saw her face. The beautiful face that had bared its keepers' soul to Tai through his entire life. He had not expected that the expression on Sora's face that Christmas could change his life forever. It was a face that Tai knew by heart. He knew everything about her and could read her face like he could a book, that's why it hurt him so much.  
  
Tai had finally summoned up the courage to tell Sora how he felt. He had bottled up these feelings for so long that he could not remember when he first realized that he had fallen in love with his best friend. The more he waited to tell her, the deeper his love became. He had to tell her, but he had not been prepared to face the sorrow and anguish.  
  
It was the perfect Christmas, people were happy, kids were playing in park with the freshly covered snow. The same park where Sora and Tai had played during their childhood. Memories flooded Tai's mind as he passed the park, but his mind was much to busy to think about them too much, he had to find Sora first. Tai was glad that Agumon was with him, to help comfort him when he was so nervous. Even if was hard to hide him from "regular" people. He found Sora near the place where Matt's concert was going to be taking place. How convenient, thought Tai, I'll ask her out on a date to Matt's concert.  
  
Sora was standing outside the bands dressing room. She was holding a box tightly in her arms. Delicately wrapped in green and red ribbon. Walking towards Sora, Tai noticed every single detail about her, he wanted to remember it forever. Her hair was shining brightly in the daylight, making her look like the angel Tai knew she was. She was dressed her regular winter outfit, plain and simple. Sora wouldn't dress up for anybody. Then there was her face. Tai couldn't understand it, but for some reason her face was more beautiful that day then he could ever imagine. Unfortunately, her face also bore unsureness as she stared at the door to Matt's dressing room.  
  
"Hey Sora."  
  
"Oh! Hi Tai." Sora was noticeably surprised to see Tai; one could say that she was also embarrassed to have Tai find her there. Sora was visibly shaking, making Tai uneasy. Good thing Agumon was with him to lighten the silenced mood around them.  
  
"Something smells good!" he stated dumbly while sniffing the air. "Cookies!" The door suddenly opened to reveal Gabumon looking at them.  
  
"Matt's getting ready," and then seeing and smelling the box of cookies Sora held, said the same thing that he would have when it came to food. "But I'll take those!"  
  
"I bet you will, no way! You'll eat the whole thing yourself!" Biyomon said furiously, knowing that he would not give the cookies to Matt. In truth, Biyomon really didn't know why Sora was doing this, the boy that stood next to her cared for her in way Biyomon knew Matt would never be able to do. She couldn't do anything about it though. Being Sora's digimon partner, she didn't have much of a choice but to help her today. Inside, Biyomon hoped Tai would say something. Luckily, he did.  
  
"So, um, Sora? Are you going to the concert with anyone, not that it matters to me or anything, I was just wondering." Not that it matters?!? I hope Sora doesn't really think I don't care.  
  
"Actually, I wanted to be available in case Matt's free afterwards."  
  
Tai's heart broke. The pain was unbearable, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had been to late, and just because he had never been able to find the courage to tell Sora how he felt, he had lost her forever.  
  
Sora liked Matt, and he was now able to tell. The way that she held the cookies so closely to her and the way she shook, it wasn't because she was cold, but because she was nervous. She was feeling the same way Tai was feeling, he had no choice but to make sure that Sora was happy. As long as she was happy, Tai would find a way to make the best of this. It would be hard, though, to hide that he was truly hurt by her words.  
  
"Oh, I see, Matt, huh?" He saw that Sora was blushing. She was embarrassed to have Tai know. He knew that she wished he hadn't found her in this situation.  
  
"Ummm."  
  
Tai looked at her with sympathy. This must be just as hard for her as it is was for me. Tai put his hand on her shoulder, a sign of encouragement that he had shown her throughout there friendship. It had always been used to tell her Sora that everything was going to be okay after she had a fight with her mom, or when her grandma died. It was the way Tai revealed that he would always be there for her, that he would be her friend forever. This time wasn't any different that the others, even if Tai was hurting himself.  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"You're not mad at me, Tai?" She asked, her face in disbelief that Tai was handling this so well. Sora could have sworn that just a few moments ago Tai had sounded sad and let down.  
  
"No, of course not," he began to lead Sora into the door, making sure his friend got there and didn't get to scared and turn around. "Now get in there and say hi to Matt for me!"  
  
"Thanks Tai." she said, and smiled the smile that Tai loved so much. It was one of the million reasons he had fallen in love with her in the first place.  
  
"The least you could do is leave the cookies!" said Agumon, hoping he would get something in return for having to walk all the way here.  
  
Sora laughed, and relaxed around them. She giggled lightly at Agumons tactics to receive food. "I'll tell you what- I'll make some special ones just for you."  
  
As Sora turned her back and disappeared through the door, Tai could only stand there. He should have taken the opportunity to tell her, but the words just wouldn't come, they never could. Tai felt like Sora had ripped his heart out and stepped all over it. However, he didn't find himself hating her for not loving him, he actually could feel his love growing. He hated himself, and he would always love her. The only thing he could mutter as he let her go were simple, just an answer to her comment, but he felt himself hanging onto her last words. He found new meaning in his three words, though they were not what he wished they were.  
  
"I'll be waiting."  
  
That day haunted Tai with every waking moment. He could still remember everything about her from that Christmas. Even as he looked upon the city today, several months later, he felt that same crushing pain from when Sora innocently broke his heart.  
  
* * * *  
  
The classroom was full of noise and the teacher couldn't silence the teenagers. September came quickly. School had started again, and along with it came the homework, teachers from hell, that new principal that would make the students lives miserable. Yet for the moment, every kid was talking about his or her vacations and summer jobs, everybody had something to talk about.  
  
Sora sat near the back of the room, near her best friend Mimi. Mimi and her family had moved back a month ago. Sora couldn't be happier. Her best friend was back, she thought she had the greatest boyfriend, who sat in front of them. The three talked amongst themselves. Sora and Matt filled Mimi in on the news about the digidestend, from T.K and Kari finally dating and how Davis had officially gotten more thickheaded during the long summer. The conversation rested on Davis for the moment.  
  
"So how's Davis taking the new couple?" Asked Mimi, specifically talking about T.K and Kari.  
  
"Okay I guess, how do you think he'd act knowing the girl he liked is going out with the brother of the "Great Yamato Ishiada?" answered Matt, obviously being full of himself, but getting a laugh out of the two girls.  
  
After Mimi finally gained composure, she asked, "What about Tai, you haven't said anything about him, how's he doing?" The only response she got was the empty faces from the couple.  
  
"We don't really know," Sora finally said, "he doesn't really talk to us anymore, he doesn't talk to anybody but Kari." Mimi could tell Sora didn't like talking about this just by looking at her sad face.  
  
"He's become a big jerk." Stated Matt, with no hint of friendliness in his voice. He received a slap in the arm from Sora for saying that. "God, I'm sorry, but he's been all negative and an asshole to all of us for a while, we don't have to be nice to him!"  
  
"There's just been something bothering him, he probably doesn't really want to talk to us about it, that's all. You need to stop being so mean towards him, then maybe he'll talk to us!" Sora whispered harshly; she hated how Matt despised the person who was supposed to be his best friend.  
  
"Something's been bothering him for TEN months! Don't you think he would have gotten over it by now?!" He retorted. Fighting had become a daily thing in the relationship of Sora and Matt. It was either about stupid things, or how Matt was always canceling dates because of band practice. Yet they were both to blind to see that it really wasn't working out. Mimi rolled her eyes at them. She had been here for less than a month and she had heard more then enough of their fights, she couldn't take it anymore. Mimi especially hated how they were fighting about Tai while he was in the class with them. She had to say something.  
  
"Why don't you just ask him what's wrong!" Mimi glared at the two like they stupid, they hadn't even thought that that was a possibility. "Just look at him. He obviously needs someone to talk to. Like seriously guys, you're becoming dumber than Davis!"  
  
Sora looked at Mimi. She was right. Matt and her were Tai's best friends, and they hadn't talked to him for nearly a year. Matt turned around in his chair so he wasn't facing them anymore. Sora sighed, Tai was one of the most important people in her life, and she didn't even know what was bugging him so much.  
  
Sora looked at Tai from across the room. He was writing something in a notebook. He looked peaceful, but you could tell that he had been sad for a while by looking at his eyes. They were concentrating on whatever it was he was writing. Sora admired him. Tai used to be so popular. Everybody wanted to be his friend, every girl in the school wanted him, but somehow he had been able to escape all of that. His life was simple now, but just by looking at him, simple didn't mean he was pleased with his life. But still, his life didn't look so complicated anymore, and Sora was jealous of that.  
  
Sora life used to be like Tai's new one. People really didn't talk to her unless they really needed to. Tai was the only person that really talked to her when she lived that life. He was the only person who cared. Sora had forgotten just how much Tai had meant to her, when he was her only real friend. She had hated that life then, but now she envied the people that lived it. Sora had seemed to become popular over night. News spread that her and Matt were dating, and suddenly everybody wanted to be her friend, and all the guys at school wanted her. People began to talk to Sora like she was a queen, or a goddess for that matter. She loved her new life at first. Sora had always thought that being popular would make her life better than it had been. Yet she was sick of it now. She wanted to be like she had been before last Christmas. Before she realized that people only cared to talk to you if you were talked about all the time, or if everybody knew who you were just because of who you were dating. Before her life became a popularity contest.  
  
Sora hadn't heard Tai's voice for what seemed like forever. And now she wished more than anything to hear him talking to her, soothing her worries just like he used to do. Sora realized that that must be what Tai had needed all these months, a person to comfort him. She was about to get up to talk to him when the teacher announced, "Welcome back to school! I'm Mrs. Iakouz, and I'll be your English teacher for the year." Sora had missed her chance.  
  
* * * *  
  
Sora was sitting on a bench in the park. It was evening and the sun was setting. Matt had canceled another date. He's doing that more than usual these days. Sora shook her mind off that thought. She didn't care to think about him for the moment. As she looked at the sunset, her mind drifted towards Tai. The way his face had looked at school bothered her the most. Sora never liked seeing him upset, and he was obviously upset. She could tell just by the way he acted around people in general. Sora hadn't thought about it until now, but he seemed depressed. Sora had begun to think about what Mimi had said to her, that Tai just needed somebody to talk to him, why not one of his best friends?  
  
Sora hated herself now. Hated who she had become. She knew that Tai had been sad for a really long time, and she hadn't done anything to help him. She had been to caught up in being popular, and it ruined her life. Sora found herself despising her life more as everyday went by. She wanted Tai to be back in her life.  
  
Sora began to think about her life before she became known as "Matt's Girlfriend." She had been with Tai almost everyday her entire life, and now she hardly ever saw him anymore. He was drifting out of her life and she wanted him back in it. And as she sat there, the sun almost disappearing from view, she felt empty inside, like a part of her had been taken away and she would never get it back. Sora wanted to know what caused her to feel this way, so alone.  
  
* * * *  
  
The Kamiya household was quiet that night. Tai and Kari's parents had gone out to dinner with some friends. The apartment was a comfortable one, never giving trouble to the family of four. Tai lay sprawled out on the couch watching TV. Tai had had a rough day. The first day of school always sucked, but this year it was the worst. He had overheard Sora, Matt, and Mimi talking about him. He didn't catch everything, but he had heard what Matt had said about him. Tai laughed at the thought of Matt thinking he was an asshole. Although he could never stop loving Sora even though she didn't love him, he could easily hate Matt. Especially now since he knew what he really thought about him. Tai still played soccer. He had gotten even better at it, if that was possible. He was taking out all the pain and anger he held within himself on the soccer ball. Soccer was the only social thing that Tai could bring himself to do, the only social thing he wanted to do. Nothing else seemed worth doing since Tai had distanced himself from everybody. Nobody talked to him anymore, and to tell the truth, Tai didn't want them to.  
  
Kari sighed sadly as she looked at her older brother. He had become such a stranger to her, to everybody. She knew why he was this way, but she didn't like the way it was affecting him. He used to be so alive, so eager to start a new day. But now. he wished he never had to wake up. It hurt Kari so much to see him this way, depressed about everything. Tai had told her a few months ago that he wished he wasn't alive. It scared her so much to think that Tai would want to kill himself. She never knew that love could bring her brother to feel this way. But then again Kari didn't know what a broken heart felt like, she didn't want to.  
  
Kari was now in a relationship with the only boy she could ever hold feelings like this for. T.K meant the world to her. Kari loved him, and she knew that he felt the same way. Kari tried to imagine what it would be like if T.K loved somebody else and how she would feel, but she couldn't. The only thing she knew is that it would hurt her more than she could imagine. Tai had that happen to him, and he had loved Sora for twice as long as Kari and T.K had known each other. The pain must be unbearable thought Kari. She hoped she would never have to know the feeling.  
  
"I'm going over to T.K's, Tai."  
  
"Fine. be home, ummm. not to late." Tai really didn't care. He knew that Kari and T.K loved each other, and he had to respect that. He didn't want keep on playing the role of the big brother when Kari was able to take care of herself.  
  
Kari shut the door behind her, and just leaned on the door for a few seconds, thinking about Tai. She knew that Tai didn't hate Sora, but Kari did. She hated what Sora had done to her brother and she didn't even know it. She thought that Sora was being selfish. Kari could tell that Sora just wanted to be popular. She used to respect Sora. She had been like a sister to her, and somebody she could to talk to. But now she was one of those snobby popular girls who don't care about anybody else's feelings, like Tai's. She despised her so much, and Kari never wanted to see or speak to Sora again.  
  
* * * *  
  
Kari walked to T.K's apartment. The night was cool, so she didn't mind. It actually felt good to be outside. It cleared her mind of anything and everything. All the things that were going on in her life disappeared in to the air around her and floated up and away from her. As Kari continued to walk, she turned around a corner and bumped into somebody.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry." Said the person, who had a very familiar voice.  
  
"Sorry." Said Kari.  
  
"Kari?"  
  
"Huh? Sora?!" Sora was the last person that she wanted to encounter. Kari wished she hadn't bumped into her. Sora obviously didn't feel the same way.  
  
"Oh Kari, I'm so glad that I bumped into you, in need to ask you about something."  
  
"What." Kari didn't want to sound mean, but it was hard for her to hide how she felt, very hard. Sora eyed Kari with a look of question, but thought nothing of it.  
  
"It's about Tai, do you know what's been bothering him for so long? He doesn't talk to me anymore and I."  
  
"Since when do you care!?" Kari snapped. She doesn't even deserve Tai's friendship, and now she wants to know what's wrong with him?! "What took you so long, Sora? You only figure out now that something's wrong? I thought you were to caught up in your new wonderful life, Princess Sora, to even care what Tai felt!"  
  
Kari could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes. She didn't want to talk about this. Sora stared at her with a look of worry, she didn't know what was wrong.  
  
"Of course I care about Tai, why wouldn't I?"  
  
"You haven't seemed care what he felt since last Christmas!"  
  
"What does last Christmas have to do with anything? I didn't do any." Sora lost her words. They just vanished like a candle in the wind. She became confused as she swallowed her own words, and things began to become clear for her. Christmas. she could remember everything about Tai that day, from the way his hair fell around his eyes, to the way his voice spoke so gently to her. Sora could also remember how his voice had sounded when she said she wanted to be free for Matt. He sounded sad, heart broken almost. Sora closed her eyes and too let the tears fall. She fell on her knees and cried. Kari looked down at her. Did she figure out.? Kari knelt down beside her, and put her hand on Sora's shoulder.  
  
"Sora."  
  
"Tai, I'm so sorry."  
  
* * * *  
  
The room was dark except for one light that light the corner of the room. The light was weak, leaving the rest of the large room depressing. The lights didn't help Sora's mood at all, only made it more noticeable. The crying hadn't stopped since she encountered Kari on the street. Sora had just been walking home from the park. Her mind had been thinking about Tai the entire night. She had realized what her life had become without him. More than anything, she just wanted to be able to talk to him, to hear his voice, so Sora had decided to go to the Kamiyas. She would figure out just what was bothering him, so that she could help him. Then she ran into Kari, and Sora was given a hint, to why Tai was the way he was. A hint to Tai's broken heart.  
  
Sora's face was buried into her pillow. She felt like the tears would never stop, she couldn't find a way to. Tai was her best friend, and Sora now knew that he loved her. She had broken his heart. All these pieces came together and mixed all around inside her mind. She felt like she was working on a big jigsaw puzzle. The feelings that Sora held for Tai were confusing her. She cared for him, that was obvious. But Sora couldn't seem to place the pieces in the right spot. They were all there, but she couldn't get the picture. Sora couldn't figure out her feelings. What do they mean?  
  
Sora reached over to her nightstand and picked up a picture frame. In the frame was a picture of her and Matt. They both looked happy, but as Sora stared at it, she felt like something was missing. Sora turned the frame over and un-hooked the back. Behind the photo of her and Matt sat a picture that meant so much to Sora. This picture was the one that was in the frame when she got it for her birthday. Tai had given it to her. It was of her and him last two summers ago. They had gone to the beach with the digidestend. The picture showed Tai standing behind Sora, with his arms wrapped around her. The smile on their faces was a smile that Sora hadn't expressed in a very long time, one that she missed. You could tell just by comparing the photos, which one Sora was the happiest. She felt newly shed tears fall down her face. As she stared at the picture of her and Tai, her world became clear. There was only one boy that Sora could ever be happy with.  
  
* * * *  
  
The news spread around the high school. Boys were happy, so were the girls, and very few people were upset to hear about the couple. Well, they couldn't really be called that anymore. Everybody was talking about how Sora had broken up with Matt. Nobody really knew why, except for Mimi, but she wouldn't tell anybody. It figures that the only time people actually wanted to hear what Mimi had to say, she wouldn't say anything. Tai was in homeroom when he heard the news.  
  
Izzy was in the same homeroom as Tai. He had been the only person who Mimi had told. In Izzy's opinion, Tai looked exactly the same as he had been looking. Maybe he hadn't heard the news.  
  
"Did you hear about Sora and Matt?" Izzy asked quietly, unsure of how Tai would answer.  
  
"Yeah" he said plainly.  
  
"I thought that you would be more happy about this."  
  
Tai just shrugged his shoulders and let out a sigh. He barely noticed Izzy give him a worried look and leave. Inside Tai was bursting with joy, but he thought that it would be strange to be so ecstatic when it was his two best friends who had broken up. Tai wondered why Sora had done it. He thought that she really loved Matt, not that Tai didn't mind that she didn't. A smile crossed his face as he thought about Sora. He felt as though Sora was his, but then he remembered that she had broken his heart. Nonetheless he had to talk to her.  
  
* * * *  
  
History was almost over. The teachers voice had been talking for the last half hour about some revolution, or rebellion, or war.nobody was quite sure. The entire class looked like they were going to fall asleep as his lifeless voice seem to drown the class. Tai had been busy thinking of how to talk to Sora, with not much success. Was it still to soon try and tell her how he felt? Even through all these painful months, nothing about his love for Sora had changed. But it became harder and harder for him to tell her. Now he had the chance, but he was back at square one. He needed to find the courage again.  
  
* * * *  
  
I did it.I can't believe I actually did it. Sora walked briskly away from the apartment building. The same one that Tai lived. After finally coming to terms with her feelings, she decided that she couldn't wait any longer to tell him. So she wrote him a letter, she just hoped that he got it in time.  
  
* * * *  
  
Tai hadn't been able to get farther than the kitchen when he got home from soccer practice. The letter had kept him from thinking about anything else. Even the glass of water that he had been pouring. So after a lot of sponging and wiping, he sat down at the kitchen table to read the letter again, to make sure he hadn't imagined it.  
  
Tai, I really need to talk to about something important. Please meet me at the park tonight at eight. Sora Tai read and reread the letter. Sora wanted to talk to him. This was his chance; he would finally be able to tell her. Although Tai knew that she would probably just want to talk to him about Matt, it was now or never.  
  
* * * *  
  
The night was perfect. It was cool outside with the warmness of the day hanging at your feet. It felt like fall was waiting just around the next corner while Tai walked his way to the park. He could hardly hear the sounds of the passing cars or the light thumps that his feet made as he walked. His mind was full of words, phrases, and even some sentences that he would tell Sora. He couldn't really think of anything besides that.  
  
As Tai brought his mind back to reality he found himself near the place where he was to meet Sora. The letter didn't say, but Tai knew exactly what location in the park she had meant. It was the place where their friendship had begun so many years ago, when they were only four years old.  
  
He turned the corner he saw her standing in the middle of the soccer field. She was breathtaking. She was looking up at the moon, and the moon was looking back down at her. Sora was wearing only jeans and a plain blue shirt. But as the moon shined down upon her skin, Tai saw her in a whole new light. The beautiful faces that stare back at you from a magazine could never look as stunning as Sora did.  
  
She hadn't noticed him yet, so Tai tried to take the time reviewing what he would say, but nothing came to his mind as he looked at her. He would have turned and walked away if he hadn't been so entranced by her beauty. He was broken from his stare as she took her turn to look at him. With all the courage that Tai had with in himself, he started walking towards her.  
  
Sora smiled gently at Tai. Tai relaxed at the sight her beautiful smile. His worries disappeared and he knew that the time was now or never. However, Tai became uneasy as Sora's gentle smile and face became sad and hurt.  
  
"I never meant to hurt you Tai," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Sora pulled Tai into a hug, buried her face in his chest, and began to cry. Tai wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and held her to him. "Please don't be mad at me Tai. I was so blinded, I. I couldn't see" Sora whimpered. Tai didn't know how Sora had known that he had been hurting, but he couldn't let her beat herself up like this.  
  
"I am not, and never was mad at you, Sora. You didn't do anything."  
  
"Yes I did," she said, cutting him off, "I broke your heart."  
  
Tai lifted her face into his hands and looked straight into her eyes. Her crimson orbs stared intently back at his chocolate brown ones. They stood like that for a while, studying the depths of each other's souls. As Tai looked at her teary eyes, he knew that there wasn't a need to tell her how much he loved her, because she already knew.  
  
"I'll give you a chance to make it up to me, if you want to." He told her.  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
They looked in each other's eyes only a second longer before touching their lips together. Neither of them had ever though in their wildest dreams that it would feel the way it did, or feel the way they did at the moment. Tai deepened the kiss and ran his fingers through her hair as Sora moaned into his mouth.  
  
The two finally came up for air and were breathing deeply. Once she caught her breath, Sora rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt whole again, and she knew. It had been Tai; he was the part of her that had been missing all along. Sora smiled as the feeling took control of her body. She no longer felt alone, she felt together, finally.  
  
Sora turned her head and looked up into Tai's loving eyes and said the one thing that she had been longing to say and the thing Tai had been longing to hear.  
  
"I love you."  
  
The word were simple, but the effect that it had one Tai was so powerful that he knew if her were to die right at that moment, he would have a smile on his face, and Sora's smile in his heart. All the pain that he had been feeling over that past months vanished. Tai knew he would never feel that way again. He felt the way that he used to feel, alive, and he welcomed it without hesitation. Tai knew that Sora had been the one who was changing him back, and he wouldn't be able to thank her enough. He took her hand in his and his free one stroked her face. Tai smiled his famous half crooked smile and melted Sora's heart.  
  
"I love you too, and I always will."  
  
With smiles on their faces, they walked hand in hand out off the soccer field, and into world, together, just how it was always meant to be, and finally was.  
  
  
  
That's the end of my first story. I hope that everyone who reads this enjoyed reading it. I put my heart into this story, so I hope you like it! Expect a Harry Potter fic next, but I don't know when. Please review!!!! ~dorkiss 


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